Surviving the Holidays with Infertility
Year-end holidays are right around the corner and the TV ads, magazines, and store displays are all about gift giving, parties, visits, and meal planning. These holidays are meant to be joyous and full of gratitude for all of our many blessings, but for those coping with infertility they can often bring feelings of stress, sadness, guilt, and even a little (or a lot) of envy…
FAMILY GATHERINGS
Holidays can be especially difficult for those living with infertility. Family gatherings are often a major part of the holiday season. Those traditional family get-togethers can be tough for those who are struggling to have children of their own. The time between Thanksgiving and New Years is focused on joy and festivities and kids. Seeing family and friends with their children will probably remind you of what you don’t have. While infertility is never easy, holiday celebrations often make it more painful.
COPING STRATEGIES
If this holiday season has the potential to be difficult, brace yourself now and consider the following coping strategies to help you move towards the New Year:
Decline an Invitation if You Know it Will Be Stressful for You or Your Partner
It is okay to regretfully say NO to an invitation. If a holiday event will have many children or pregnant women attending or you know you are going to get the twenty questions regarding when you are going to have children, gracefully decline and plan to do something else.
Be Prepared to Answer the Expected When and Why Questions
Have your answers to anticipated questions ready beforehand and keep your answers short and to the point. In most cases, those with questions are well-meaning; however, after enough cups of the holiday eggnog, their questions may be asked in a more surprising or even obnoxious manner. Give a simple answer and quickly change the topic to something less personal.
To Hold or Not to Hold – That is the Question
Before you arrive at the holiday gathering, it is important to decide whether or not you want to hold any little ones who are present. Sometimes, holding a baby brings hope. For some women though, it can be extremely painful and a reminder of her own infertility struggle. Even though friends and family want to share their bundle of joy with you, handling your own needs and feelings is important. It is okay to decline if that ensures the situation is less painful for you.
Pregnancy Announcements are Frequently Difficult to Hear
Family members often save their exciting news for a grand announcement at a family holiday gathering. Whether it is a verbal announcement at the dinner table or an indirect notification (such as a sister or cousin walking in wearing maternity clothes), it can be very difficult to handle your emotions when you are having trouble conceiving. It is hard to offer congratulations when you are fighting a lump in your throat or hoping the tears won’t overflow. While you are happy for your family member or friend, remember that it is perfectly normal to feel sadness or even a twinge of hopelessness when you hear a pregnancy announcement.
Plan Ahead and Tell Close Family Members or Friends How They Can Help You
If you need someone to listen, let them know. If you need distractions from the holiday hub-bub, make plans to go to a movie or make an appointment for a trip to the spa with a friend. If you are having a bad day, call a friend or close family member and ask for a hug over the phone. Better yet, meet them at a local restaurant or café for a “time out” and that much needed hug.
Make New Traditions with Your Partner
If holiday celebrations are just too difficult to bear, take some time with your partner and create your own traditions together. Take a well-deserved trip, plan and make a special holiday meal together, take a hike or a nice, long walk, or spend the holiday watching funny or favorite movies.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
Most people have no idea how challenging it is to cope with infertility because they don’t really know what you are going through. Family and friends will want to support you, but they probably have no idea how to provide the kind of loving care and understanding that you need during the holiday season. Talk to close family or friends now, so they can thoughtfully support you during this holiday season and beyond.
Before the flurry of holiday activities begins, talk to your partner about holiday plans. Decide what festivities you want to participate in and try to anticipate the questions and commentary that may come your way. Having appropriate answers or comments should ensure that you are in control of the situation. If any celebration becomes too difficult to deal with, have an agreed upon exit strategy. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do, especially during the stressful year-end holiday season.
Year-end holidays are right around the corner and the TV ads, magazines, and store displays are all about gift giving, parties, visits, and meal planning. These holidays are meant to be joyous and full of gratitude for all of our many blessings, but for those coping with infertility they can often bring feelings of stress,...Read More